The Most Underrated Way of Being Required to Achieve Success

Kathryn Thompson  00:00

Welcome back, I'm super stoked that you're tuning into this week's episode. And I cannot wait to dive into today's topic because we're chatting about something that I believe is a really underrated quality. And something we don't talk enough about in the entrepreneurship space. And that has to do with cultivating inner core stability and resiliency. Now, I'm not talking about going to the gym and pumping iron. And you know, getting that six pack abs. No, that's amazing and all cool if that's what you're after. But I'm talking about being able to maintain a level of peace, and calm and surrender, regardless of what's going on around you not getting jostled around, or shaken up like a snow globe, when shit hits the fan in your business, or your life or in the world, for that matter. And if you are an entrepreneur that is living in a heightened state of fear and anxiety are always wondering if the other shoe is going to draw up or if the clients are going to run out. 

Or if your client is going to pay you, or bracing yourself for negative feedback, because you've gotten feedback in the past that wasn't respectful or was a ton of projection and blame and lack of ownership and maybe even comparison of, you know, this person is better than you or this product is better than your product. And you've gotten that feedback and you've internalized it and now you're on this like heightened state of Oh God, what are they going to say? Are they going to like me, then this episode is going to be of particular interest for you. But it's also going to be of interest for you if you're highly empathetic, and highly sensitive. Because for highly sensitive people, and empathetic people, we take on a lot of not only our own shit, but a lot of the shit that's going on around us in the world. And we saw this a lot during COVID. Right, there was a bunch of articles that came out from health health care providers that were empathetic and highly sensitive. And they talked about this compassion fatigue. And what that is, is, you know, you put this backpack on, and before you know it, these rocks, get put into your backpack, you carry the responsibility and the weight of other people's emotions, you take that on for yourself. And if you're not highly sensitive, or empathetic, you might be like, Why would anybody do this, but this is how we're wired right. And until we put up some really solid boundaries, and really clear outline of what we're available. And what we're not available for. All that ends up happening is we kept getting these rocks getting put in and put in and put in before you know we're completely weighted down. 

And that can get manifested into weight gain, heart disease, all of those sorts of things. When you're living in a heightened state of fear and anxiety. It is scientifically proven that you are shedding years off your life. This isn't something that I'm just claiming this is scientifically backed studies show that when you're in a heightened state of fear and anxiety and stress all the time, you start to shave years off of your life for various reasons that manifests in your health. So this isn't just about, oh my God, I'll build a wildly successful business, if I cultivate this inner peace and calm will know you're actually going to thrive in all elements of your life because you're going to be healthier as a result of it. So let's dive in. Because this is going to be a short episode, I want to give you some practical tips that you can start to use and some reframes. Because what often happens with people like me, who are highly sensitive and empathetic, who take on other people's projections and thoughts of the world and all of that stuff, we take this on and we internalize it. And that is the biggest key thing that I want you to kind of rethink and reframe, because what often happens is, for example, when I first started my online business, I had a phenomenal client who raved about me, throughout the entire program, how much she loved me how much she loved my program, how beneficial it was, she was seeing results, it was amazing. And then all of a sudden, something didn't go as expected in her business. 

And I was instantly blamed for it. I was instantly blamed as like the worst coach, why didn't I prepare for this? Oh my god. And I internalized it. Like how could I have done this better? What could I have done differently? And often times when we don't have that inner stability, core strength, that peace and calm, we become reactive or we go into sort of flight or fight. And for me, my tendency was was to turn myself inside out to appease people, right. So my clients, my customers, you name it, family, friends, all of that. I was like how can I turn myself inside out to appease them because I was internalized Seeing what they were saying about me as something I had done wrong, when in reality, their projection, and their frustration and their blame and their shame and all the stuff that gets thrown at you, has nothing to do with you. And it's really freaking hard when you're empathetic, highly sensitive and very heart centered. Because you're all gushy, cushy inside I am, right? 

I'm very heart centered. And so I don't want to piss people off, and I want people to ultimately be happy. But at what cost? Are you going to turn yourself inside out to make other people happy? And this is where boundaries come into play big time, right? What are you available for? And what are you not available for and getting really clear on that upfront, so that when somebody does project their bullshit onto you, and somebody does blame you, and somebody does tell you that your product isn't as good as somebody else's product, I've had somebody do that, to me, right is like, well, their product is way better. Like I thought your product was good, but theirs is way better, right, which is total comparison, and creates a ton of division and separateness, not only in the relationship that's happening, but just in general and competition, right, which is something that I don't, I'm not available for, I'm just not available for. And I've created these really hard lines in the sand and these really strong boundaries, when it comes to what I'm willing to take on. 

Right. So, you know, if somebody were to say that to me today, that literally just bounces off of me now, because I'm like, I'm just not available for it. I what you think of me, and what you perceive of me, and how you communicate to me has has more to do with you than it ever does with me. And this all starts with you knowing at the core of who you are, who you are, and having that unwavering inner knowing and inner purpose. It's not needing that outside validation from other people to tell you that you're enough, you're good, you're amazing at what you do. It's that confidence within you that you just know. And this can take time to cultivate, right? It's if you are somebody right now who struggles with this and doesn't feel good enough or feels like your work and your productivity. And whether people are happy with what you do is an indication of your worth your value. 

And what you stand for, then you're going to feel completely jostled every single time you get any type of negative feedback, regardless of how it is said, right, and regardless of how that person is communicating it, you're going to have a hard time even hearing through the lines, what they're really trying to say because you're going to be hyper reactive and very defensive. And that can cause a lot of havoc not only within yourself, but often what ends up happening is you say shit, you don't mean you lash out at the person. And that reaction is the thing that's going to wreak havoc in you. Right. I often say this is like, I don't regret, you know, standing up for myself, I don't regret, you know, having that clear boundary, I regret reacting to it in a way that actually does more damage than not right, it doesn't. This isn't about you avoiding people that are going to piss you off. 

This isn't about, you know, trying to avoid clients that you know are going to trigger you this isn't about trying to avoid people on the interwebs or people at the grocery store or the guy that's going to cut you off because if you know anything about the law of attraction, a universal law, you know, the law of polarity, right without light, there isn't dark and without bad, there isn't good, right? So that you're always going to have challenges and obstacles and turbulent time and chaos. There's always going to be that around you. You can't control that. Which is why you'll often hear me say that, you know, you have to be high vibe all the time if you want to attract what you want, which is absolute and utter bullshit. It's not an if then right. I was able to sell a lot of wine in my business at the lowest state of my life. I was a walking, I was so out of alignment. I was so sick on the inside, I was so stressed and so full of anxiety and so much on eggshells, literally that but I still sold and we still attracted a ton of clients and very loyal clients and we still sold the business like at the end of the day there is what I call toxic manifestation mantras out there and that is like you've got to be high vibe. 

And if you're not high vibe, you're gonna attract really horrible people into your aura orbit. And again, that's bullshit because I was so out of alignment In my brick and mortar, and we had some of the most amazing customers like they were literally amazing. It's the reason why it took me so long to ultimately want to sell the store. Because I loved my clients so much. So this isn't about you, protecting your energy or avoiding people are things in life, you can't avoid it. And the more you try to avoid the turbulent the chaos, all of that, the more of that you're going to recognize, right? Whether you unconsciously call that in, I'm not going to say that you do, but you're going to recognize it more, because it's going to impact you more because you're trying to avoid it. And you can, the goal is to get to a state where you're so calm and peaceful on the inside, that that shit just doesn't trigger you. And that comes from you knowing who you are at the core of who you are. 

And it's you knowing that it doesn't matter what anybody else says about you about the things you produce, and or anything that will shake that up. It's kind of like, okay, yeah, sure, you can tell me I soccer, I'm a terrible coach or mentor, you can tell me, I'm a terrible business owner, you can tell me I'm a terrible person, for all that matters. I don't really give a shit. I don't care what you think about me. It's, it's that confidence. And it's that unwavering stability that's going to help you in all facets of this, because you're not going to get rattled, at the littlest things that, you know, put you off or whatnot, you're just going to be able to navigate around it right, you're going to be able to sort of deal with it in a very calm and peaceful way in a nonreactive and non defensive way, which ends up wrecking more havoc on you, because what highly sensitive, and empathetic people tend to do and if you're not, and you're still resonating with that, that's cool. 

What ends up happening is is that you react and you're like, oh, man, that sucked. I said some really things horrible things. I didn't mean or I said it in a way that I didn't like, or I got flustered, and why did they get flustered, and then you sit there and ruminate and beat the shit out of yourself for hours because you reacted, right. And this is where the turmoil just starts to keep happening within you. So it starts with who you are, what you stand for, and what you believe in, and ultimately what your values are. So what do you want to live by. And if you're living in integrity to your values, and you're making decisions and integrity to those values every single day, we're not perfect. We all make mistakes, we all operate out of integrity, sometimes you all operate out of alignment, this is the human experience, right? When you can give yourself the love, the self compassion, all of that through these moments. Again, more stability, more calm, more peace, because you're not beating the crap out of yourself for getting it wrong this time, right, or making the mistake or doing something again, right when you should know better or should have learned better. So that's first where it starts. 

And now when you know your your value. So if you haven't stopped for a moment to reevaluate your values, this is the other thing that's really important. Your values will change depending on your life, your experiences, all of those sorts of things. So if you've gone through value work, and you are, you know, I've already done this, done a ton of value work, I would ask you to re evaluate it. Because as you evolve, as you grow as a person, those values are going to shift and change. And they're going to be potentially different for your business than they are for your personal. If they are the same, that's great, but your personal life might be totally different. So you want to take a look at those values and what it is that you stand for. And then when it comes to those values, you can make a list of what you're available for and what you're not. So for example, in business, if you have a business partnership, you can put one of the things on there, like I'm not available for behind-the-back talking or you know, really toxic and aggressive communication, or I'm not available for you know, you're not following through on what you say you're going to without communication, like you can put in things, what you're not available for and then what you are available for. And when you get clear on that having boundaries and being able to communicate those boundaries is really effortless. And this ultimately again starts to cultivate that inner peace and calm because you're rock solid in who you are. You're rock solid and what your values are, your rock solid in what you're available for what you're not available for. 

And then you're able to execute on those boundaries where people go sideways, which a lot of highly sensitive and empathetic people do go sideways. They don't have, either they're not solid on who they are, or they're not solid on the values, or they just haven't implemented or held the boundary. And so what happens is they go outside of their boundaries, which compromise their values. And then they get pissed off about it right? And then we beat ourselves up, oh, man, I really don't want to do this. But I agreed to do it. Like, why am I doing this? Why is this on me? Why aren't they taking responsibility for it? Right? You start to play this inner voice in your brain goes back and forth, and back and forth. And this is where that compassion, you know, fatigue happens, because you want to help and you want to give what at what cost? Is it a cost of your sanity, your well being is it a cost of your energy, your value, your time, these are all things that you need to get clarity on, and when you know, this, you become rock solid, and some practical things that you can do is meditation is one. So I love to meditate, but not in a traditional form of like, I'm just going to sit here and be silent, right? 

Because for a lot of ambitious people go getters, it's hard to shut our brains off people that are that can be in the head a lot. It's hard to shut our brains off. And so I do a lot of active meditation, which could be going for a walk in nature, or going for a walk around my block. And I will, you know, pose questions, so that I can get a sense of my intuition of like, okay, what, what is the direction I want to go? Where do I want to go? This allows me to quiet my mind to some degree, but do it in sort of an active way. Now, I will meditate sometimes for in silence, right? For some periods of time, if I feel like my brain is really overactive, because I do think silencing of the mind is really great. You know, stepping away from or quieting the noise of the outside world. aloneness is amazing, right? If you can take any alone time, even five minutes or 15 minutes, right a day, or every other day is a really powerful tool. But anything that's grounding as well, right? So again, nature are you able to like put your feet rock solid on the ground and connect to the earth, because that creates a grounded NISS within you, right, that core stability of feeling grounded and less reactive. Oftentimes, we become really reactive. And in that flight or fight when we are in heightened states of anxiety, fear, pressure busyness, so also tuning in to go kid, when do I feel the most agitated? 

hormones can be one thing for women, by the way, depending on what's going on in your in your world. But it can also trigger things as well. Lack of food, lack of water, right? When if you're not nourishing yourself, you become you can get into this heightened state of reactiveness. And things that maybe not naturally wouldn't trigger, you trigger the shit out of you. Right? And you can go into this tailspin. So it's this holistic picture of your well being your holistic wellness in general, right is like, are you nourishing yourself? Are you taking time away from the computer? Are you over scheduling yourself? Are you at capacity? If you're at capacity? Can you take things away? On off your plate? Can you say? Are you saying no to things? That you really should be right? Are you saying yes to things that should really be knows, these are all tools that you can start to do to maintain that sort of peace and stability within yourself and not get rocked around like a snow globe, or a punching bag in your business. And I promise you, when you're able to cultivate this more times than not in your life. Again, this takes time. This is human experience, we're not perfect, we're not going to get this right all the time. 

When you're able to do this in your business in your life, you're going to see a massive transformation because you're not going to walk around with that heightened level of stress and anxiety but you're also going to be able to make decisions from a very calm and grounded place. And sometimes in business where I see a lot of entrepreneurs go sideways is making decisions from a place of fear and anxiety. And they end up being catastrophic for their business right and maybe it's investing in a new technology for their business because you know, they're fearing that if they don't get ahead of the curve, you know, they're gonna lose all their clients or something like that and they they rush into the decision instead of maybe sitting on it for a little while. Right? We're so quick to want to invest in change and fix and do this now. If you feel like you're in a fix it mode if you're constantly investing in the next coach or, or mentor or whatever because As the last mentor wasn't giving you what you thought they should, and you haven't even given yourself time to see if that coach or mentor can really support you, that's an indication that you're operating from a place of, I need to fix it. And you're not operating from a place of peace and calm. You're investing from a place of fear and anxiety and stress and needing to fix and change when you're in that state of calm and that unwavering core stability. There is this like essence about you that is, is like cool as a cucumber, right? You a lot of things don't ruffle your feathers. People can sense it about you, because you're not in this frantic energy. So anxiety, stress, scattered Ness, that's like frantic, right?

 It's like ba chaos, when your peace and calm within you. And you can sort of just like ride those that wave and not get super rattled or stressed or whatever, then there's also this presence of like, just this essence of calmness, right? There's nothing that's rocking your boat, and you're able to objectively make decisions instead of one from pure emotion, you're able to objectively decide, is this coach or mentor, the next best step for me? Or is this new software the best thing for my business or is hiring this person, the best person or decision for the business. So this is the benefit of it within your business. And then obviously, that whole calmness within your nervous system and in your body. And all of that is so much better for your health. In the short and the long term, you will sleep better, you will have more energy to maybe exercise and do those things, you'll feel more energized, right? That stress that anxiety that overthinking that ruminating is exhausting. I remember who I remember being exhausted, like behind my eyes and having this like 3d Headache, because I was like constantly thinking about what I needed to change and fix and how can I do it. And it was like this obsession, right, and I would just ruminate on it. And it wreaked havoc on myself, but then would also wreak havoc on relationships. Because as a person that needs to express myself verbally to get it out. I would often like verbal diarrhea on to Craig, or anybody that would lend me an ear. And how fun is that right to be in relationship with someone that's just constantly like complaining, or bitching or frustrated? Or judgy? Or just this Ooh, energy? 

You don't want to be in that right? So then you can also from an emotional intelligence perspective, make decisions to go you know what, like, yeah, that frustrated me that triggered me. But this is my thing. And I'm not going to like dump it on everybody else, or I'm not going to project it to other people, right, we can make an emotionally mature and intelligent decisions from that peace and calm. But when we're in a reactive state and defensive state, we can often say shit that we don't mean. And we say it in a way that we think we're proving our point or getting our point across. But the thing is, is if the person you're projecting to has any sort of level of emotional intelligence, peace and calm within them, you know, they can see right through that. And so that's something to also consider if you're wanting to be in this energy of embodied leadership and high vibe people. And I don't even want to say hi vibe all the time. But just people that are operating at a different level of consciousness, you projecting bullshit onto them, or you being in a hyper-reactive state, is only going to perpetuate that more in your life. And it's going to turn off and repel people that are not in that sort of energy space, right? 

Because people don't want to listen to the bullshit, they don't want to listen to the complaining and they don't want to listen to you know, this stuff that at the end of the day, we need to be able to navigate especially in business. I mean, in life in general shits gonna hit the fan in your life too. That's just part of the law of polarity things are gonna happen that aren't as aren't what you expect or how you wanted it to be. And it's going to happen and you have to learn to navigate it with some resiliency, inner resiliency. And you have to learn more than anything to navigate that in business. And when you find yourself in a place of frustration or bitterness or anger or resentment, it's a really good sign to go hmm, I'm in this place of really low vibe energy right and anger resentment, bitterness, frustration, apathy, projection and blame and shame and all of that shit is very low vibe energy. And so it's worth tuning in and going home, okay, I'm in this place. 

Why am I here? And how can I get myself back to a state of peace and calm and feeling that freedom Men choice and possibility within myself, how can I get back there and away from these other emotions, again, law of polarity, we're going to feel these things, these things are going to come and go in your life and you're going to feel them. It's how much you internalize them, and how much you make them be your state of being. So without further ado, I am going to be bringing on an amazing guest next week, who's going to help you with core value work. And he's somebody that talks about core values in a way that I don't, I haven't heard, it's just in such a different capacity. 

So this is really going to help you anchor in what we talked about here today, if you are uncertain about who you are at the core of who you are, if you're, you know, not really loving on yourself, or showing yourself self compassion and acceptance, and you're looking for outside validation, and you don't really know what you stand for what those values are, you're gonna want to tune into this episode, because like I said, he talks about core values in a way that I've never heard, or at least in a different way, it's lending in a different way for me, plus, he has a phenomenal gift that He's offering all of the listeners too. So you're gonna want to be sure to tune in to next week's episode, subscribe to the show, so you don't miss it because this gift is one of the most powerful, profound gifts that any guest has ever offered. And it's three calls with his team which is like unheard of. 

So you're gonna want to make sure you tune in to that we will post a link on the show notes on how to get your hands on that. Anyways, have a fantastic day. Cheers.