How to Be You 100% of the Time without Guilt or Shame with Rachel Freemon Sowers

INTRO: After generating over a million dollars in sales and selling one of her businesses with a single email, your host, Kathryn Thompson, takes an unconventional approach to marketing and sales. So if you're ready to tap into a more powerful way to be seen, heard, and a sought-after entrepreneur in your industry, without having to spend endless hours marketing your business and chasing clients, you're in the right place.

Be The Sought After Entrepreneur Podcast is here to help you ditch the cookie cutter one size fits all approach to marketing and use your unique energy to effortlessly attract the most aligned clients. When you do this, you can spend less time marketing your business and more time doing your soul work and enjoying the richness of your life.

Welcome to Be The Sought After Entrepreneur Podcast. And here's your host, Kathryn Thompson.

Kathryn Thompson: Hey, hey, I am super stoked that you're tuning in this week's episode and I cannot [00:01:00] wait to dive into today's topic because I've got a very special guest on the show this week. And it's been a while since I've had a guest on and I'm really excited for you guys to hear our conversation because You know, I'm a huge proponent of being yourself and showing up as authentically as possible in the online space and in business and in life in general.

And it's from that place of authenticity that we can really create abundance and success within our business. But telling people to just be you and show up authentically is the easy way to do things, right? It's not as easy always to be your authentic self. It doesn't always feel safe to show up. As who you are, dress the way that you dress, or say the things that you want to say out of fear of maybe being rejected, or cancelled, whatever it might be, or just have your pure safety of life threatened.

And so this particular guest, I'm really excited to have on to share her story, but also how she [00:02:00] empowers people. Specifically, LGBTQ plus and female entrepreneurs and professionals really step up and, and be authentic and feel safe in that authenticity. Her name is Rachel Freeman Sowers. She's a sought after liberation and visibility coach, podcast creator and host, LMFT and founder of the 100 percent You Experience.

And I cannot wait for you to hear her conversation. She is really here, like I said, to empower LGBTQ plus and female entrepreneurs and Professionals to be a hundred percent themselves a hundred percent of the time, no shame or guilt needed. So without further ado, please welcome Rachel to the show.

Hey. Hey, super stoked to have Rachel on the show today. I'm just gonna turn it straight over to you so you can share with our listeners who you are and what you do. Oh, my gosh. I'm so happy to be here. Um, my name is Rachel Freeman Sowers. I am a liberation and visibility [00:03:00] coach and podcast creator, all of the things, and now a published author, which is the first time I'm saying this in public, so just FYI.

Um, and what I love doing is empowering people in the LGBTQ plus and female communities. To be 100 percent themselves, 100 percent of the time with no shame and guilt needed. And what it really is, is empowering them to show up in their business and their personal life, exactly the way they want to, so that they can have the life that they've been wanting to live.

And I love it. Amazing. Amazing. Published author. That's so amazing. We have to celebrate that. So, tell me about the book. Did it come, it just came out? So, it just came out. I'll send the link, cause I haven't even put this out there yet. Like, I'm planning like this, whatever, but I was just like, Who cares?

Just put it out there now. The book is called Your Voice, Your Choice, and it is a multi authored book project. I [00:04:00] actually did it with my sister from a different mister, Shawna Beatty up in Vancouver Island, Canada. And what it really is about is 20 stories of 20, 20 women. 20 women's reinvention of themselves in all different parts of their life and in multiple times throughout their life.

So I loved writing my story and putting it out there because I really go from childhood into adulthood and being like, this is how I overcame and conquered all the things I was taught that were never me in the first place. And that taught me not to be a hundred percent myself. That taught me to push down, shave off, cut off, and not trust myself.

And my whole thing in working with LGBTQ plus and female communities and entrepreneurs is ultimate self trust. And so my story is about how I [00:05:00] created that ultimate self trust and what you can do to, to create it in your business and your life. Amazing. That sounds like such an amazing book project, but then also all the beautiful stories within that.

And I want to dive into the whole self trust piece, but I want to dive into your story first. Okay. And, and sharing a bit about your story. Like, how did you come to do this work? Tell us a little bit about your story. So a little bit about my story is, you know, growing up a highly, highly sensitive person.

Grew up in the church, lots of religious trauma. A lot of my clients have religious trauma and we work through that and heal and. unattached from that identity that they've been given. And the turning point, one of the biggest turning points was when I'd gone to Chico State, California State University, Chico, and I graduated and I sat in the recruiting office for the jobs, right?

My senior year, [00:06:00] I'm going to graduate. Now it's time to look for a job. I get a job because I sit in that office waiting for a no show. There wasn't ever a no show. So they gave me a phone interview because they felt bad because I'm like, I'm sitting here until you give me an interview, right? If anything, my stubbornness has gotten me to where I am today.

And so I sat there and they gave me the, and I got the job. And then as a management trainee, this was going to be the thing that was going to make me successful. This was the thing that was going to be, I have arrived like, Oh, you know, all the heavens open up. That was not the case. Just a little FYI. The clouds came over and I was let go, whatever, because these words, you're too sensitive.

Wow. And I was like, what the F. Yeah. And all my life I've been told I was too sensitive. You have to get thicker skin. You have to buck up. You have to do [00:07:00] all whatever people told you to do because you're too sensitive. Right. And, and in that moment I was like, can I cuss on the show? You can. I was like, you motherfuckers.

I was like, I'll show you. I was like, I'm turning this sensitivity into a superpower. Yeah. And then I was like, one thing I know is emotion. One thing I know is that I'm highly empathic and extremely, extremely intuitive. Yeah. So I was like, I'm going to go be a therapist. Right. So then I went and started my therapeutic career, bucked to that system because I was like, what you're doing sometimes doesn't make any sense.

So I did that for 25 years and then about seven years ago, I decided I'm going to take my business purely online and I'm going to do this thing because I want to be worldwide. [00:08:00] And I can honestly say I'm worldwide today. I do this work because I do believe that when we are a hundred percent ourselves, the world is a much better place.

Diversity is the thing that makes this world rich and so many people these days are afraid of it. Yeah. And I'm here to say like, who cares? Show up as you anyway, live your life because this is your life. Yeah, so powerful. And what a crazy and absurd thing to say to somebody, you're too sensitive. You know, it's literally the exact words.

It was, I remember getting feedback from a CEO once saying that I moved too quickly. I did too much work and that I was going to get a bad rap in the office because I did too much work. And I was like, what? This isn't a bad thing. Well, and it's kind of like you finders. I [00:09:00] mean, how many of the listeners listening right now have found themselves having to dumb themselves down?

We hear about it all the time in my story. I talk about praying. I could become a dumb blonde. I've been blonde my whole entire life. And I was like, if I could just turn off my awareness, if I could just turn off my knowing I would fit in, I would be better. Lies, lies, lies. Yeah, and it's so, I mean, we all do it, right?

We cut our, there's parts of ourselves that we cut off or we think is too much, right? I was always, I was too much. I had too much energy. I was too big energy. Yep. Too much. And so it's always so interesting, the pieces. And I always, I think, wished, I was like, I wish I could just not care. Or I wish I didn't like try so hard, but I wasn't even trying hard.

I was just being me. I wanted that part of it off because everyone, you know, you're a try hard or you [00:10:00] try too hard or whatever. And I'm like, no, it's just how I operate. I just. Yeah, I put all my heart and soul into everything that I do and I've always done. And yet it's, it's a bad thing, you know, it's interesting.

Well, and I think it's so, it is interesting because this is taught to us from toxic social constructs. And this is what I'm sure you help your clients explore when it comes out in their copy, how to let go of some of that stuff. I definitely do it. How to release it from the body, how to be like that is not my identity.

It was never mine in the first place, because then you feel all this self shame and guilt. People will say, well, I keep doing this to myself. You do, but you only do because you were taught to do that thing. And now you're that you're aware of it. You get to have a choice. But we've taken on like, just like for you, you know, people tell you you're too much or you were too much, right?

And you're like, what's wrong with me? Why can't I? Instead [00:11:00] of noticing that that's about the way the culture has been built. Yeah. You know, it's the same thing with the LGBTQ plus community. I don't care how far we think we've come. We have much more to go. Yeah, much more to go. And someone's fear about me being a lesbian or discrimination against me isn't about me.

It's about them. But it's hard when you have fear for your safety. Literally people every day, even in entrepreneurs online. If I say this, am I going to be discriminated against? How long did I not say that I was even part of the LGBTQ plus community in my business? Because I would be, I would be. was discriminated against.

Let's dive into that because It's one thing to say, show up as, be yourself, show up as who you are, live in your true self, it's easy to say that, but then it's like, there is a whole safety piece [00:12:00] with some communities that it's like, it's easier for me to show up as myself and not feel like my life is going to be threatened, but there are other communities that it's like, well, their life could be threatened, they're discriminated.

Yes, I'm female, but I'm a white female, right? So there is privilege there. And so it's like, yeah. Let's talk about that because it's not just as easy for somebody to show up and not feel maybe that their life is that threatened, right? Well, it's a difficult place to be. Yeah, I mean I live in the Pacific Northwest now loving it Yeah, and can't wait to come visit all of you my friends in Canada But I can't we moved from a town called Reading, California yeah, and we I'd lived there the majority of my life on and off and You know, I remember when I was with my first wife and her neighbors [00:13:00] were a gay couple who got, um, burned in their house because they were gay.

And when you grow up, even in just that environment, so... I, we never held hands in public. We never showed that we were together. And I think that kind of stuff follows you when you are so apprehensive. So then I, you know, I went to Sacramento, came back to Reading and have lived there now for the majority of my life.

But still, when I was there as out as I am, as confident as I am, it was like, When you have, Ooh, okay, this is going out into the world. When you have family members who don't really, they approve of you, but you just keep it quiet or don't show any affection, like don't hold hands because it makes them uncomfortable.

Those things get deep inside of you and [00:14:00] they play off of all those things I was taught in religion. All those things, all the things I was taught, it just She's piling on and on and on. Yeah. And you walk around, I had a client who is the wife of a transgender person and she said, I'm so afraid to hold her hand in public because I don't want someone to come up and clock her and have my children be scared to be the, you know, to be in public.

She's like, I fear for my family. And she lives in LA. Wow. Wow. But in a more conservative part, it is out there. And she's like, am I just making this up? And I'm like, no, you're not. Yeah. But that's a lot to walk around with. And it's a lot to release because The body says, this is what's [00:15:00] keeping me safe this way.

And so we can't do it or I'm unsafe. And that's, that's the work that needs to be done. And then allowing the nervous system to be like, it's okay for me to do this. It's okay for me to be me. It's okay for me to hold my wife's hand in public. It's okay for me to say no to something. Yeah, you know, that I don't want to do when a good example is when someone comes to hug you and you're like, I'm really good.

And they're like, no, I want to hug you. I'm like, no, really, I'm good. You know, it's like, especially as women, we're taught not to do that, you know, you're supposed to be open and all the things. No. Yeah, the boundaries. Yeah. No, I'm not hugging you. I always say I'm not a hugger. And then it's like, I always want hugs.

My husband's always like, Oh, you're not a hugger. But I'm like, well, I'm a hugger with people I know, and I'm comfortable. Right. Well, why? I mean, like, very, it's a very interesting story is that there's a [00:16:00] person in the family, and they always. At the age of 51, they always tease me. They're always saying something, making fun of me.

And then like, they just want to hug you. And I was like, wait, you don't get to do that. And then turn around and touch me with your negative energy. Like you can say something on the surface, but behind is what I really see. So no hugs. And they're like, what? You're like, you don't want to hug. I was like. No, thank you.

Yeah. Yeah. And again, you know, if you think back to like childhood, it was like hug that aunt or that uncle or hug. person you don't even know. And it was like, just go hug them goodbye or go say goodbye. And it's so interesting. I forget what movie it was. I watched a movie and I remember that being unpacked.

And I was like, wow, like you don't even think about it because it's, it's wrong not to hug or to acknowledge in that way. As a child, you're told to do it, you know, even if it's uncomfortable. Right. [00:17:00] Yeah. So many things we're taught to do, even if it's not comfortable. Yeah. Which then is that whole, comes back to that whole full circle piece of like cutting ourselves off or doing things just to people please.

Because that's what we were taught to do. And so you touch on something really important and that is the safety, creating the safety in your body. Because again, there's this visit, like visibility is like, yeah, show up and be visible and show yourself, but. I'll often say to clients is like, but we don't want to go necessarily all in if you're not safe, like, you've got to start to create safety in your body first before you just go and post that thing online, right?

It's easy for someone to say, go do it. It's one thing then to understand, like, the. The safety we got to create within the nervous system and that's the work that you do with your clients, right? Absolutely, like it's so important that the safety is generated [00:18:00] internally. The safety is not generated because I'm in an environment where I feel safe.

The safety is not generated because I'm with this person. I don't know how many of you people watch Love Is Blind, but you see these people on Love Is Blind and they're like, Oh my God, like I want, I want to feel loved by you and blah. I'm like, Oh God, you're killing me right now. Like feel love for yourself and then that's going to come, but they rely on the other people.

Right? So what is really is doing is helping my clients become fully safe within themselves. Yeah, once you do that, you're able to be who you want to be and know what, what is coming for you because you know yourself so intimately, you know yourself like, Oh, I don't have to be afraid of this thing, because.

I know that the safety resides within, I know that the confidence is within, it's not if they like the product or not, it's not if they like the post or not, it's not, I mean, like, I've gotten a lot of hate online, I've been called every single thing in the book, especially when [00:19:00] I publish my podcast with transgender individuals and more LGBTQ plus, I mean, like, people come after me with fervor, Is that a word?

It's a word, right? I think it is. I get it. Like massively, like they're coming out to get me, right? And it's like, wait, you can do whatever you want, boo, because that doesn't have anything to do with me. I'm going to keep doing this. This is where the visibility comes out. Creating that safety is also allowing the nervous system to become comfortable with something other than the fear and scarcity.

Your body has stored everything that has ever happened to you, both negative and positive. And this is what we forget. The negative is what comes out because it's saying danger, danger. Yeah, we have to stay safe. And part of the work is saying, wait, we are safe here. And even you being able to nurture the parts of you that are scared, the parts of you that need more [00:20:00] healing.

Everything happens internally. Now it's great to have external support like you and I support each other, being on each other's podcasts, encouraging each other and all that. That's great. But if you weren't there, I would still be okay. Yeah, do you know what I'm saying? Totally. Yeah, which I think is also really important, especially in the coaching space and in the industry that we're in, like, not needing the coach in order to create the safety within you.

Sure, the coach is there to support you, but like you said, it's coming back to that internal safety, like, if that coach, wasn't there anymore, would you still be able to have the safety within yourself? And it is a journey because there's, like you said, it stores all of the negative and the positive. And sometimes we don't even know where that even came from in the first place.

Like every time I kind of do this work, I'm always like, Oh, I didn't even remember that as a kid. You know, I didn't even remember that. Um, There's a story where I was four years old and I was [00:21:00] walking to my friend's house and there was women walking down the street toward me. I'd never seen these women before.

I'd lived in this neighborhood and something, and I'm super intuitive as well, but there was this instinct that was like cross the street. And, and my friend's house was on the same street that I was like the side of the street I was walking on. And so I crossed the street to the opposite side And all of a sudden these women come at me and I, I had to run for my life.

Like I, I ran to the Bishop's house, hid behind his cedar trees. I could hear them saying, where is she? Where did she go? And I had to run and jump over a veranda into my other friend's house. And I had blocked that out of my memory. And then you wonder why my natural default is flight. When shit gets hard, I quit.

I'm done. I don't wanna do this. I'm, you know. Mm-Hmm. , I'm over it. And I, and I run Mm-Hmm. , I run, you know, I used to book vacations after breakups. I'd be on a flight somewhere, and, you know, India. Thailand. Well, Thailand. [00:22:00] I went with my husband, but you know, I was all over the place. Mm-Hmm. , right, because that was my, it was escape.

And that's, and then I was like, where is this coming from? And then boom, this memory came out and I was like, oh wow, I completely forgot about that. I had completely blocked it out. So you forget sometimes the things that happen that, that are being totally stored. Well, and if you think that you've forgotten, but the fact matters, the brain is protecting you my friend.

The brain is, the brain is a beautiful thing, but the brain without the body, that's even a more beautiful, I mean like you need both. You don't just need mind, like we get stuck in the mind and all those things. And sometimes then we get stuck in a body. A lot of my clients are stuck in their body, which is why they can't do it.

They're like, I know, cognitively, this is what I want to do. I know I want to take my business there. I know I want to show up and say these things. And yet at the same time. I can't do it. And that's the disconnect. And so many people, I love that. You know, that your thing [00:23:00] has been flight, right? So many of my people have been push, just push through, ignore everything.

Everything's that's your body is telling you just keep going. You don't stop, you know? And that's what I used to do. Just push, push, push, push, push, push, push. I mean, I remember when I was a small child, I would make myself do things like sit absolutely still. Wow. Like, for as long as I could stand it, not move a muscle, because part of me knew that I would have to do things I never wanted to do in my life.

And if I trained myself at a young age to be able to do things that I couldn't stand, I would be successful. Now how fucked up is that? Wow. That is like some deep, deep willpower. Yeah, because. To train yourself at a young age to just, well, I mean, to do the things like you said that you didn't want to do.

Yeah. To get through it. Because the message was that is how life was going to be for me. So of course, [00:24:00] that's how my life started out. Yeah. So for those of you listening, if you're like, why am I like this? It's not your fault.

This is a co creation. You and I know about co creation. This is a co creation of everything. It's not like you're the only one in the world that's done this. No, these are the things that we become aware of through and through your own safety. You begin to be able to be like, Oh, I don't always have to know where everything came from.

I've had a volatile past or whatever. It's came from there. I don't need to know now. All I need to know is what do I want and how do I want my body to feel within that? Yeah. And it's, um, you touch on that, that mind piece of like, you know, intellectually, cause I'll hear this often with people. I know intellectually where I'm, you know, going sideways or what, what's coming up and why I'm not taking action, but my [00:25:00] body won't move like my, but for whatever reason, is there anything you can share with our listeners?

Cause I know there's going to be a lot of people that are like, intellectually, I get it, Kathryn. I know I'm supposed to, you know, post my story online and show up and, you know, experience the success that I want, but for whatever reason, my body goes into this, like, nope, we ain't doing this. Is there anything you can share with our listeners practically that could support them?

Okay, friends. Yeah, this is the golden ticket. And I know you're expecting some massive, complex thing. Here it is. Sweet and simple. Visualize yourself doing the thing you want to do. Now, some people call this meditation. I would also go and research some Joe Dispenza stuff. I love him. I've followed him for over a decade now, but what this is visualization, your brain does not know [00:26:00] what's real until you tell it what's real.

Visualization is the number one way to create the mind body connection and safety because you're telling the brain what's real for you and the body is getting used to being in that space. Like it's your reality. I call this playing with possibility. It is also one of the scariest things that people do, that I help my clients work through and become very comfortable and luscious and all the things within them being like, of course.

And then so visualize what you actually want to be doing. And allow your body to move through the feelings. It's going to start out feeling uncomfortable, maybe. I had a client say to me, what you're asking me is to change my whole identity. I said, what I'm asking you is to transform your identity to how you want it to be, and who you [00:27:00] want to be, and how you want to interact in the world.

Unfortunately, that person never came back. Yeah. Because they weren't ready and that's okay. Yeah. It's one of the hardest things you can do, and yet it is one of the most rewarding and it will change the trajectory of your life and how you experience life in your business and outside of your business, hands down.

So beautiful. And I know before we started airing this, we were talking about the complexity and how we were addicted to consuming knowledge and information and complexity. We want things to be complex, right? Is our brain is like, how can I make this more complicated than it really needs to be? And we overlook the simplicity and simplicity being visualization.

The work might not be simple. Maybe the word simple, it's not easy. Yeah, it's uncomfortable. Yeah, but if, but if it's a desire that you want, like you said, you can change the trajectory of your [00:28:00] life with simple visualization. What if someone says they can't visualize? Because I've heard that before. I can't visualize.

Oh, you can. Yeah. Because you did it when you were little. Totally. But see, what happens is that all that stuff gets covered up by all the things we're taught to think or do because we should be or are supposed to be or whatever, right? There's two kinds of people that I help and everyone says you have to niche down and, and okay, I get all that, but literally I help people that are constantly cognitive all the time or help people that are stuck in their emotions.

Yeah. And we talked, I mean, when we talked about this consuming, that's what it is. Oh, if I do this, if you're a cognitive person, you're like, okay, if I do this, if I follow this example, blah, blah, blah, I can do the same. But those people find that they can't do the thing that they actually want to do. Yeah.

Or they do it and they don't feel the way they want to feel because from the neck down, it's all numb. They've disconnected that because there's a lot of [00:29:00] pain in the body. And I don't mean like necessarily physical pain, although that can manifest. It's physical pain. And I've helped lots of women work through pelvic pain.

Actually, it's been really great. So like, so cognitive or feeling where they're stuck in the depths and they're also saying, I know I want to do this, but I just can't make myself. Yeah. I just can't bring myself to do that post. And so really, how do they then? That's where, you know, either one is safety, either creating safety in the body, um, for cognitive people or creating safety and moving back and forth from the body because where each one is used to staying in a certain arena.

Yeah. And it all boils down to safety. Do I feel safe doing this? Am I going to be... Harmed in some way. Is it going to hurt in some way? Is it going to cause uncomfortable feelings in some way? I talk about sitting in the discomfort, right? [00:30:00] Getting good at sitting in the discomfort. Even when things I had a client recently say to me, it's really hard to hold the faith.

when things aren't working yet in that building stage. And I was like, that is such a beautiful level of awareness. One, because it's sitting in the discomfort of I don't have proof yet. My brain and I don't have proof. So do I keep going in this down this path without the certainty? Well, I love that. Yeah, because it's like.

the certainty is within her. And how do we notice that? And how do we acknowledge that as the proof? How do we acknowledge like, no, this is what I'm meant to do. I'm trusting myself. I'm unattached from the outcome of the thing. Yeah. See, cause a lot of times people are attached and even I [00:31:00] get attached at times.

I'm not saying I'm perfect over here. Like, Lord knows. Sheesh. But like, if you unattached and be like, whatever happens to this, it doesn't mean anything about me. But what we've done our entire lives is in the external environment, everything means something about us. It doesn't. And the majority of the time it's not about you and when we can be okay with that, but so many people have taught to take responsibility for other people that they're in charge of this stuff.

Um, you know what I mean? They're taught that. Yeah. And responsibility. I had another conversation with a client yesterday about responsibility. What is mine and what is yours? And as a highly sensitive, hopefully, maybe you agree with this. It's like. That deconditioning just from that alone of like, that is not my responsibility.

Like, the fact that you're upset because X, Y, Z, and I didn't know that it was going to cause X, Y, Z has nothing to do with me. Like, [00:32:00] right? Or the fact that you're upset in general, like. It's not my responsibility to carry that, but also manage, manage those emotions, which is something I've had to do a ton of work around of, like, I'm not here to manage your emotions, but I'm also not here to fix when you feel uncomfortable.

Well, that's why I work with LGBTQ plus and female communities is because. These are the things the minority groups are taught that they're responsible for the larger groups issues a lot of the times. Like, oh, for instance, my sister in law is like, you're making me uncomfortable because you hold hands.

Well, that's not on me. Just because you're. Relationship is intimately stunted and you're afraid of all that stuff. That doesn't mean I have to be afraid over here, but in the family system I had to choose, right? And so learning, like you're saying, [00:33:00] deconstructing, unattaching, giving that back, it's not, um, it is not a massively popular thing to do even now.

One thousand percent, especially in a family unit or a family system, right? And depending what role you played in that family unit or family system growing up, right? It can be difficult to then shift how you show up in adulthood because there's this expectation. Well, let's, we could just dive into the online world and as an online entrepreneur in the personal space, I mean, personal growth space, business growth space, like both of us are.

How are we shamed in that world? How are we constantly told you have to have one more thing? I have a client who has a PhD. And my get shit done mastermind and she's like, do I need another certification? I'm like, hell no, you have 30 years of PhD, all of this training, you do not need more. [00:34:00] What we need to do is show up.

We need to help you say like, this is what I do. And even with all of that, it's like, we have to show up now. We can't get caught in consuming. Yeah. If we don't show up, no one can be attracted to what we have. No one can be attracted to us. Yeah. And the certification thing, I'm so glad that you brought that up because again, I see this so often in the space, right?

Of like, I need one more thing certification, you know, even though you have a master's or a PhD, or you're a freaking medical doctor, right? I need these things, whatever, added on in order to be able to show up. and deliver value to my clients, right? Because what we are right now in this very moment, is it valuable enough, which is the depth of it in a lot of ways.

I need the one more thing so that I'm, [00:35:00] um, I'm valuable. I'm credible. I'm somehow worthy of being able to teach this in the first place. I've had clients come into my world with like, The, the amount of certifications, I'm like, we got to get it out there. You've got what you need. You have enough and it's going to be good enough.

Yeah. It's, it's insane how things follow us, how these patterns continue to follow us. And this is, you know, I see in the online world, a lot of people like, Oh, get certified as this kind of coach, get certified in this thing. And I'm not, I mean, like the people I work with are highly, highly educated. They already have everything right?

But half of the battle is showing them other possibilities, other ways of thinking about something that then they go, Oh, so many of my clients, the main thing I hear is I've never thought of it that way. [00:36:00] Yeah. Right. And it's like that ability to get out of this box and be like, Hmm, I find safety in outside the box.

Yeah. I mean, I don't find safety in a box when someone tries to put me in a box. I'm like, Oh, hell no. Nah. And that's like, so then my work has been a lot of times, okay, how do I take what I need and leave what I don't need? How do I not attach to this, but attach to what I need from it? Right. Yeah. Um, yeah.

Cause I mean, like the pendulum keeps swinging from one side to the other. Yeah, there is a happy medium in the center. Yes, it's there. Yeah, and it all boils down again to like self trust is just trusting ourselves more than anything and realizing that yeah, we can take in what we want. Let go of what we don't want.

And we get to, yeah, basically carve our own [00:37:00] path if we want to, like, we don't have to follow in somebody else's footsteps to be successful. And we don't need to follow the cookie cutter, which is like my whole mission on this planet is helping people live outside the cookie cutter, specifically with marketing, because it's just like, there isn't a right or wrong way to do it.

Like, you can't. Do this wrong, but in a world like where we've been conditioned to, you know, the educational system, like, come to school, sit in a desk, follow the rules, do the assignments, get an A or B. Someone else is going to judge you on that, right? Someone's going to give you some grade. I remember being, I want to say grade five.

Maybe grade three, but I was told by a teacher of mine that I was like a horrible writer and that I would never never do anything with writing and I carried that until my master's degree and I graduated at the top of my class I won the award and I remember getting the email saying that I want I got the highest grade and Then I won another award for the book.

I had published and the [00:38:00] research I had done And I remember refreshing my screen, sitting there on my couch, refreshing the screen, waiting for a follow up email that was like, that was a mistake. Like we, we, we sent it to the wrong person. I literally refreshed it before I told anybody. And then I never really told anybody in our class.

And we were a tight knit class. And it wasn't until I walked across the stage that they found out that I had won the top grade award because I was waiting for it to be taken away. I was waiting for someone to be like, Oh, we screwed up there. It wasn't you. It was someone else in your class. And it was all around writing communications, right?

And I was told throughout that whole master's program that I was a phenomenal writer. And it was like, what? And I was 32 years old. I mean, I just know so many people are going to be able to relate to that story. Right. I mean, I think this is why I'm so passionate about voice. I mean, there's something for me when I use my voice, when people use their [00:39:00] voice, you know, have you ever heard of like, if I speak it out loud, then that means it's true.

Yeah. Right. And what we've been taught to speak out loud. But in a very kind of similar circumstance, but different, you know, from the fourth grade until the 10th grade, I was made fun of severely by a kid in my school. And I went to Christian school and, you know, what I was told is you don't say anything mean back.

You, you, you know, if you say something, if you say something nice back, then it's like heaping hot coals on their head, you know, like it's really about, you know, you don't treat them the way they treat you. Well. At some point by the 10th grade, I'm sitting in a volleyball game in the gym and he's back behind me and he's taunting me.

Yeah. And I turned around and I said, stop calling me names. And this guy had like a short arm birth defect with free three fingers, never made fun of him ever. He called me every fat name in the book. [00:40:00] I said, if you don't stop calling me names. Something's gonna happen to you. And I'm in the middle of a volleyball game, like I'm on the bench, like they're rotating in

He did it and I turned around and I took him by the college shirt. 'cause in Christian school you had to wear college shirts and dresses below your knees with nylons. Just FYI. I don't wear a dress and I don't wear nylons, . I throw 'em on the bench and I was like, listen. Don't ever call me another name again.

And I held him there for a second and then he let go. And then I went back to the bench and then rotated into the volleyball game. I thought, shit, is anyone going to see me? I'm going to get in trouble. I'm going to get expelled, but no adult would support me. No one would make him stop. And at some point I had to voice for myself.

And this is why I'm so passionate about voicing. And advocacy in all different kinds of ways. Yeah. You know, advocacy can look different for everyone [00:41:00] and, but this is why the voice is important because all those years I was taught to keep my mouth shut. You just put your head down and you work hard, then you become an overachiever.

Yeah. I don't know about you. Definitely was an overachiever and I had like a 4.2 GPA and when I graduated from high school I was like, well, I was getting the grades, I was doing the thing. Yeah, I'm definitely an overachiever, but I don't think I ever really knew I was an overachiever because I never felt like I met the standard of what I thought was needed, right?

I was always performing below standard. And that's when, yeah, CEO was like, you worked too hard, like, you're going to get a bad rap here, you know, and it was just like, why did I feel like I'm like a slacker if I don't do work? So it was just, yeah, it's that Yeah, and I think you're right. Like you said earlier, everything is subjective.

I mean, if you think about it, a boss won't give you a five on a rating because then you don't have anywhere to go. [00:42:00] I had a client that said to me, my parents only always told me that I was only good at school because I was already so bad. Wow. Wow. I've fucked my kid up as a parent. Parents will fuck your kids up.

That's what's gonna happen. But, but we have an ability, um, and an opportunity to be so kind to ourselves and therefore being kind to others. If I respect myself, first and foremost, I will respect others. If I find safety in myself, what they do doesn't need to affect me because it's about them. It's them.

Yeah. Right. what they say, whatever. And it's, you know, if we go back, the world is rampant and will continue to be, I believe, about keeping people down, about keeping them feeling like they're not enough, like there's [00:43:00] something else that you need to be doing to be a good enough parent, to be the right kind of mom.

I did an episode with Leah C4 not that long ago, and we talked about motherhood because neither one of us was at a walk in the park, nor was rainbows or unicorns pooping cotton candy. It was none of that for us. Yeah. But if it's not that for you, then what you don't want, you know, in my world, you don't want to be a stay at home mom.

Hell no, I don't. Not for me. Yeah. So many things. Layers upon layers. We could go on for forever, my friend. I know. I know. And I love it. And I know that our, my audience is going to love it too, because we've covered so much here today. Um, and it's been such an amazing conversation. And yeah, I could go on and on and on, but I think it's, it's going to give.

the listeners and insight into the layers, into the layers of things that are coming up. And that if you're not taking action in the way that you want to in your business, sometimes again, I had another conversation with a client. I was like, and her mind just [00:44:00] kind of went like blown on the call because she was like, I'm procrastinating.

I'm like, why am I procrastinating? Like, is this self sabotage? And I looked at her and I said, What if it's just resistance because your intuition doesn't want you to go there? And she's like, what? And I'm like, what if it isn't procrastination? What if it isn't self sabotage? What if it isn't something bad about you at all?

And like, you could just see the weight fall off her shoulders like, wow. She's like, you're right. She's like, I don't actually want to build my business this way, but I'm told and taught in so many ways that I need to. And I'm like, no, this is the work I do too within my program Spellbound is like peeling back the layers and getting to the root of like, I'm not here to tell you what to do.

I'm here to support you in building what you want. That's a, can be a difficult road because we're, we're constantly bumping up against that outside conditioning of like, we're procrastinating, we're self sabotaging. Imposter syndrome. And yes, all of those things appear, but for her it [00:45:00] wasn't. It was the fact that her inner trust was, and intuition was like, I don't want to build it that way, but I think I have to.

Mm-Hmm. in order to be successful. Mm-Hmm. . And that's where the, let's call it procrastination came in. It was like, I just don't want to do it. Mm-Hmm. And so. Sometimes we label ourselves in a way and try to make something bad about ourselves when really it's our inner voice going, no, this isn't for me.

Well, it's such a great distinction. And if I can, I'd love to just drop one more nugget here. You know, so many of us get caught up in why, why, why, why, why, why we ask, why am I doing this? Why is this happening? Why can't I? And then it gives you what I call in my work, the rabbit hole of shame and guilt. And you just.

Just go and you spiral down. But the, maybe the next time any one of us, I do this for myself. Like I practice what I preach, but any one of the people listening, instead of saying, why is this? Why can't I? All of [00:46:00] those things, just ask yourself what you want instead. Yeah. Cause honestly, sometimes the why doesn't matter at all.

You don't have to know, what do I want instead? We're not taught to know what we want. We're taught to know what we don't want. Yeah. So what do I want? The minute you know what you want, what feeling do I want instead? And you ask yourself, what needs, what do I need to do? Who do I need to be to generate that feeling?

And then you do that and then you leave the rest behind. Love that. Love that. To stay out of that spiral. And just.

Really a spiral. You're not going anywhere. Nope. Just down. Yeah. Down, down, down, put the manhole cover over it. Do not take the manhole cover off. Yeah. I love it. Well, it's been such a pleasure to have you on. I know the listeners are going to absolutely love this episode. Where can they find you if they want to reach out and connect with [00:47:00] you?

So they can find me at Rachel Freeman Sowers on all the social media channels. My website is currently under construction, but feel to feel free to direct message me, or you can email me at Rachel Freeman Sowers at gmail. com. Brilliant. And we will link all of that up in the show notes for you so that the links are there and easy to find.

Again, it's been such a pleasure to have you on. I cannot wait for this episode to drop. So good. So good. What a beautiful conversation. We joked after that we could have talked for hours and hours, and it's so true. So if you want to connect with Rachel, absolutely do so. We've linked up all of our links around the show notes here, so they're easy for you to grab.

And I cannot wait for next week's episode when it drops, so please be sure to tune in the show and so you don't miss it when it drops. Cheers. Thanks for listening. We'll see you right back here next time. You can also find us on social media at creativelyowned and online at creativelyowned. com. Until next time, keep showing [00:48:00] up as your authentic self.